If I could wish for my life to be perfect...

If I could wish for my life to be perfect, it would be tempting but I would have to decline, for life would no longer teach me anything.
Allyson Jones

This is exactly how I feel too. I am a screw up. I know better. I try hard. I fall. I fail. I let myself and others down. But I have the heart, the determination and the will to get it right, but I never will, and to me, that's ok...to others, I'm not so sure.

I live in fear 24/7 though and I shouldn't. I never lived in so much fear. I lived every day for myself, what I wanted, how I wanted and it was going to be done my way or the highway with ya. You know that Frank Sinatra song, "I did it my way"?...well, that was me.

Then there was the most amazing time of my life -- when I was loved unconditionally. No matter how much I messed up, how stupid I was, no matter...I was loved. It was the best time of my life.

Now, I have to be perfect. If I'm not perfect, there's someone better then me out there. I am never able to be 'me'. I'm a mess. I have the best of intentions, I know better, I try hard, but I fall down many times. When I fall down, I sure do wish I was loved, wanted and accepted for never being perfect.

Let me tell ya, there is nothing and I mean nothing better in this world, I don't care if you put a billion dollars in front of my face, give me 1,000 friends, make me to be the most stupendous anything....there is nothing and I mean NOTHING greater then the knowledge that you are unconditionally loved and wanted for your individualism, who you are...

So, if you are striving for perfection, just remember two things:
1-no one, not one single human being - no matter how successful they may be in any part of their life, will ever be perfect - Jesus was perfection, the only one that was, is and ever will be. We can try hard to be, but knowing in advance that you never will be AND THAT'S OKAY, takes one heck of a load off your back.
2-know that you are loved unconditionally, it's an amazing aspect to life - to give it and receive it. I love unconditionally, that's the easy part - to feel loved unconditionally is one pretty hard thing to accept. That's why so many people (including myself) sometimes just really need that affirmation, it's a hard acceptance, so when you love unconditionally, let that person know as often as you can and when you need to feel it (like I do), well...try to see the signs that you are loved from others - those little things they do for you because they love you. I guess that's the best advice I can give as I struggle with this everyday and the only 'ground' I stand on is the small acts of love from another.