"Listen for the Heart Message"

I am committed to making this a high priority for Honey Bear -
"Listen for the Heart Message"

Spend one evening listening to your husband. Even if neither of you talks much,make a point of really hearing everything he says. Smile and invite him to say more by tilting your head and saying, "Really?" or "Oh?", then LISTEN. Acknowledge that you hear what your husband says (whether you agree with it or not) by saying, "I hear you."

A heart message is a statement that sounds like one thing on the surface, but means something else when you probe a little deeper. Your husband may not be explicit about his emotions, but you'll hear his vulnerability and truth in heart messages if you listen carefully. What you really want to know is the message that's hidden underneath your husband's words.

If you are interested in scheduling a one-on-coaching session by phone with one of our Surrendered Wife or Surrendered Single coaches, contact us at 800-466-2028. Or you can email us at surrenderedwife@ mindspring. com. Session fees vary according to the individual coach, but can range from $40-$95 per halfhour session.

This is a free monthly newsletter from the author of The SurrenderedWife and The Surrendered Single. To subscribe a friend to thisnewsletter, send an e-mail request to surrenderedwife@ mindspring. com.To subscribe to the newsletter for singles, send e-mail tosurrendersingle@ mindspring. com. For more information about the books,visit either www.surrenderedwife .com or www.surrenderedsing le.com

Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe

Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe by Sharon Jaynes

Today's Truth
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12 NIV).

Friend to Friend
Of all the roles and responsibilities that God has given wives, the position of a prayer warrior or intercessor is perhaps the greatest of all. An intercessor is a person who intervenes or prays for another person. It was derived from the Greek word, enteuxis, which means to go before a King with a petition or plea on behalf of someone else. In essence, it means the same thing today. We go before the King of Kings with a petition or plea on someone's behalf. What we accomplish on our knees in the invisible realm will ultimately affect the strength of our marriage in the visible realm. There is no other person who is more called or more qualified to pray for your man than you.

In the Bible, God describes the marriage of a man and a woman as a visual example of the spiritual union between Jesus Christ and the church (all Christians). Believers are called "the bride of Christ" (Revelation 19:7). We are walking, talking, earthly examples of the heavenly relationship between God's Son and those who believe on His name. God instructs men, "Love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25).

There is someone who wants to destroy that living example, and his name is Satan. Jesus said, "The thief (Satan) comes to steal, kill, and destroy" (John 10:10). He desires to destroy the God-ordained and designed institution of marriage. He began with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and continues his destructive tactics even today. Satan is not very creative, but he's very effective, and he uses the same temptations and tactics today that he used in the first marriage on earth. Satan has proclaimed an all out assault on the family and he begins at the top - with the husband and wife.

So many times we fail to see the real enemy in our marital struggles. The writer of Ephesians explains, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12). When I am having a conflict with my husband, I need to stop, take a deep breath, and think...who is the real enemy here? There is a spiritual battle raging all around us that we can't even see, but is very real. It is the greater reality. It is a battle that is not to be feared, but one that is to be recognized and fought in the only place where it can be won - in prayer.

Let's Pray
Dear Lord, I pray for my husband, from head to toe.
His Head -That he will look to You as Lord of his life. (1 Corinthians 11:3)
His Mind ­­- That he will have the mind of Christ and think as the Holy Spirit would lead him and not the flesh. (1 Corinthians 2:16)
His Eyes -That You will keep his eyes from temptation and that he will turn his eyes from sin. (Matthew 6:13, Mark 9:47)
His Ears - That he will hear Your still small voice instructing him. (1 Kings 19:12, Psalm 32:8)
His Mouth - That his words will be pleasing to You. (Psalm 19:14)
His Neck -That he will humble himself before You and be strong, courageous, and careful to do everything written in Your Word so that he will be prosperous and successful. (James 4:10, Joshua 1:8-9)
His Heart-That he will love and trust You with his whole heart. (Deuteronomy 6:5, Proverbs 3:5)
His Arms-That You will be his strength. (Psalm 73:26)
His Hands-That he will enjoy the work of his hands and see it as a gift from You. (Ecclesiastes 3:13, 5:19)
His feet - That You will order his steps and that he will walk in Your truth. (Proverbs 4:25, Psalm 26:3)
In Jesus' name,
Amen

Now It's Your Turn
Consider asking your husband for some specific ways that you can pray for him today.

Look up each of the Scripture references above and make the prayer for your husband specific to his particular needs.

Find one friend with whom you can pray for your marriage. Commit to pray for each other's marriage on a regular basis.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on today's devotion. Let's talk...visit http://www.sharonjaynes.com/blog or www.facebook.com/sharonjaynes

Quotemeal: "Love is not affectionate ..."

QUOTEMEAL from HEARTLIGHT -- Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for theloved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained. -- C. S. Lewis

Tips for reviving the romance in a stale marriage

Tips for reviving the romance in a stale marriage
Life has a way of chipping away at our marriages: jobs and job related travel, in-laws, church activities, activities with the kids, conflict and misunderstandings. Most of us run at the speed of light, wake up one day and realize, "Huh. I don't feel very close to my spouse anymore." The truth is that it happens to the best of us.
Here are a few simple methods to revive romance in a stale marriage:
1. Start Dating Again2. Make a List3. Do Good Things — Daily read more

"People are not what we wish them to be or what they seem to be. They are what they are."

"People are not what we wish them to be or what they seem to be. They are what they are."

May we see our spouse and love our spouse as God does! As we're told in 1 Samuel 16:6-7, "...The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" -- which should be an example to us at all. "Be imitators of God. As dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God" ( Ephesians 5:1-2).

May we never forget to make it our mission to join God in expressing His love to our spouse! It's a mission field He's entrusting to our care.

To subscribe, go to www.marriagemissions.com, click on “Subscribe”

Love and happiness

Love and happiness
1. Laughter is the music of life.
2. One cannot love what he cannot respect, whether it be himself or another.
3. A hug is the perfect gift--one size fits all and nobody minds if you exchange it.
4. The only way we're ever going to have any loving memories for our tomorrows is to love a little today.
5. The nice thing about your smile is that everyone thiks it's meant for him.
6. If you can't love a person for what he is, love him for what you can help him become.
7. If we took time to count our blessings, we'd be too busy to complain.
8. If you want to be happy, take things as they come and don't hold on to them as they go.
9. Happiness isn't found in searching for it. It comes quietly while you are helping others.
10. Letting go often develops more strength than holding on.
11. No person can be considered a failure who has been the cause of a child's laughter.
12. A compliment is verbal sunshine.
A friend is a friend is a friend
1. If you're not willing to be a friend to someone who doesn't entirely suit you then you will never have many friends.
2. A real friend will not visit you in prosperity unless he is invited; but when you are in trouble he will come without invitation.
3. The purchase price of a friend is to be one.
4. There is only one thing better than making a new friend and that is keeping an old one
5. A true friend will put a finger on your faults without rubbing them in.
6. Promises may get you friends but it is performance that keeps them.
7. Everyone is a stranger until you make him your friend.
The beginning is the family
1. The easiest thing to overlook in a family is how much we need each other.
2. The family you come from isn't as important as the family you are going to have.
3. You can't make a husband tender by keeping him in hot water.
4. To break a child's trust is to cripple him for life.
5. When speaking of tranquilizers, they had one back in my grandfather's day that practically garanteed you a good nights sleep... It was called "hard work"
. 6. Grandparents are given children to love and grandchildren to love them in return.
Old age is something we all will share
1. When people tell you how young you look, they're also telling you how old you are.
2. Anyone can get old, all you have to do is live long enough.
3. To worry about your age is silly. Every time you're a year older so is everyone else.
4. Look at the bright side. No matter how old you are--you're younger than you will ever be again.
5. Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
6. The one thing that comes without any effort is old age.
Words for you to muse on
1. I like long walks- especially when they are taken by people who annoy me
2. Some troubles come from wanting to have your own way: Others come from being allowed to have it.
3. If you've got troubles, the best eraser in the world is a good night's sleep
4. Life is not a plate to be emptied but a bowl to be filled.
5. Folks who think they must always speak the truth overlook another good choice---silence.
6. The hardest thing of all to give is--- in.

THE MAGIC OF GRATITUDE

Something that not only has hit home with me, but is weighing heavy on my heart right now is THE MAGIC OF GRATITUDE. For me, personally...I have zero problem loving..what I have a problem with is showing my gratitude for being loved.

I never complain about the love I recieve...God knows that...I am amazed, simply AMAZED at the love I recieve...what I have a problem with is, showing just how amazed I am. I try not to complain, but I seem to complain which, even if it has nothing to do with the love I am recieving, just complaining about ANYTHING shows your ungratefulness. I realize this now. So, I am making this change to myself to make it a point to show how grateful I am.

I love how my Honey Bear gives me the absolute best he has to offer. I am amazed with him. He will take care of me in the smallest detail and I am the kind of person who sees that as the biggest, grandest gift. For instance, he will make my entering and exiting the truck easier by moving the steering wheel, holding out his arm for support, opening and closing the door, letting me get in first...the list goes on and to me, these things are of greater value then anything he coul buy.

And, he makes it a point to keep me warm, safe..secure....how priceless is that?!?

So, bottom line here is this....in what ever way works for you...make it a point to show your gratitude daily...not just once a day, but ALL day long. It can make or break a relationship, a heart....a spirit.

Do you know a sign of gratitude can bring sunshine on a cloudy day? Do you know a smile or word of gratitude can build a self-esteem? Do you know how warm and comforting gratitude can feel when it seems your world is falling apart? All of these things MATTER. So, for me, I am choosing to make a difference...choosing to keep gratitude at the forefront of my mind...my activities, my thoughts...I am going to go to sleep each night KNOWING I made this positive change and be at peace with it, because it is a good thing.

What about you? Do you truly show gratitude, or simply be polite?

Our Most Popular Page Is...

Hi all....

Well, I wanted to make a repost here of our most popular page. After doing some blog history, you, our readers, have surfed for this article and I am reposting the link here:

http://plowlady.blogspot.com/2009/01/prayers-to-save-troubled.html

I am grateful for the help it is giving to so many of our readers. The only advice, from personal experience, that I can give you that is the 100% truth behin it is this...take a look at yourself. Seriously. It isnt about the other person, they are reacting to something/someone you have become. Whether you feel justified or not, whether you blame the other person or not...it truly doesnt matter, because for YOU to be a better you for your relationship - an even if it doesnt work - you will be a better you. Trust me on this, I know....

Helping Your Husband Grow

Helping Your Husband Grow
Wives can't change their husbands, but wives can and do have a tremendous influence on their husbands. How can you make that influence positive?

1. Men respond positively to praise. One of the most common complaints men make in my office is: "Dr. Chapman, in my work I am respected. People come to me for advice. But at home, all I get is criticism." What she considers suggestions, he reads as criticism. Her efforts to stimulate growth have backfired.
Give him praise. The fastest way to influence a husband is to give him praise. Praise him for effort, not perfection. You may be asking, But if I praise him for mediocrity, will it not stifle growth? The answer is a resounding "No". Your praise urges him on to greater accomplishments.
My challenge is to look for things your husband is doing right and praise him. Praise him in private, praise him in front of the children, praise him in front of your parents and his parents, praise him in front of his peers. Then stand back and watch him go for the gold.

2. Requests are more productive than demands. None of us like to be controlled, and demands are efforts at controlling. "If you don't mow the grass this afternoon, then I'm going to mow it." I wouldn't make that demand unless you want to be the permanent lawn mower. It is far more effective to say, "Do you know what would really make me happy?" Wait until he asks, "What?" Then say, "If you could find time this afternoon to mow the grass. You always do such a great job."
Let me illustrate by applying the principle to you. How do you feel when your husband says "I haven't had an apple pie since the baby was born. I don't guess I'm going to get any more apple pies for eighteen years"? Now, doesn't that motivate you? But what if he says, "You know what I'd really like to have? One of your apple pies. You make the best apple pies in the world. Sometime when you get a chance, I'd really love one of your apple pies. Chances are he'll have an apple pie before the week is over. Requests are more productive than demands.

3. Love is a two way street. If a wife wants to enhance her husband's ability to give her emotional love, perhaps her greatest influence will be in loving him. In my book, The Five Love Languages, I talk about the importance of discovering your husband's primary love language - the thing that really makes him feel loved: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, physical touch, or acts of service. Once you discover it, pour it on. Husbands are drawn to wives who are meeting their emotional need for love.
Can you do it, even if he is not loving you. God did. He loved us when we were unlovely. But that's God. I'm me. I know, but you are God's child and He can empower you to love an unlovely spouse. I've seen it many times. A wife chooses to speak her husband's love language, even though she doesn't feel loved by him. He warms up and in time begins expressing her love language. Can emotional love be re-born in a marriage? You bet. But someone must begin the process. Why not you?

4. Defensiveness reveals the inner self. A wife says, "Why does my husband get so defensive? All I have to do is mention that the grass needs mowing and he goes ballistic."
This husband is revealing his self-esteem hot spot. Some experience in his past has tied his sense of self worth to mowing the grass. Your mention of the grass translates "She thinks I'm not doing my job. I work like crazy, and now she is on my case about the grass." He sees it as a negative statement about his worth.
I know you didn't mean it that way. That's why I suggesting you observe his defensiveness, so that you can learn what is going on inside of him. We don't know these emotional hot spots until we touch one. It would be a good idea to make a list of all your husband's defensive reactions. Note what you said and did and how he responded. This insight will help you discover another way to discuss the topic that will be less threatening to his self-esteem.
Both husbands and wives hold a tremendous influence on their spouse. However, it is up to you whether your influence is positive.

Adapted from The Family You've Always Wanted by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Your Imperfect Man and Gratitude...

"Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone."Romans 12:18, NLT

You know something.....there is so much complaining in this world, so much what about me attitudes, just so much self, self, self...that the actual key to happiness is....you want to know? I will tell you...it is putting self LAST...yep...its that simple.

If your man annoys you, does leave his mess for you to clean up, does spend time with his buddies, does buy for himself, etc....THANK GOD YOU HAVE HIM! I am incredibly blesse with a he-man, who has a heart of gold-towards everyone and everything...lesson for me learned!

So what if he leaves his messes for you: be thankful that you are the woman in his life to clean up after him...you would miss it if he wasn't there.
So what if he spends time with his buddies: have you made him WANT to come home to you?
So what if he buys for himself: one day, he will get it WITHOUT your guilting him, to WANT to buy for YOU

The list goes on here, but the bottom line is this...he chose you, have YOU changed into someone he doesn't WANT to want?

Think about it...I bet if you really looked in the mirror and saw the person you have turned into, you will see how you need to renew yourself. The benefit of him wanting to do, give and be with you is so tremendous....it all starts with you...who do YOU want to be? Do you want to be the woman he has in his life? Do you want him to do/give for you?? I bet you do....so start today...make small changes...smile more often (a smile IS a sacrifice to God - smile even if you don't want to!) Be nice when you would normally jump on him, say something agreeable to him....think woman, think! If you want to keep your man, be the woman HE WANTS YOU TO BE!

Be grateful that you have that big lug laying next to you, in the same house with you, providing for you...all in the best way he can FOR YOU! Show your gratitude....it can move mountains that you thought were impossible to move.

Do everything without COMPLAINING or arguing, so that you may becomeblameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depravedgeneration, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out theword of life.... Philippians 2:14-16

Some Real, Sound Advice...

What Are a Husband's Priorities?
Let’s look at some of the things men have told me through the years that I’ve been working with couples.

Men want to be appreciated for what they contribute to the marriage and family.
They don’t want to be taken for granted. Some men have said, “I feel like she only values my paycheck and if I weren’t here anymore, she’d be fine with that.” Everyone likes to feel appreciated, and husbands are no exception.It’s easy to focus on what a spouse isn’t doing, especially if a husband and wife are disagreeing about how much each should help with the kids or around the house. The wise wife will express appreciation for what her husband is currently doing and for the positive qualities he brings to the marriage, even while discussions continue about things she ’d like to see done differently in the future.

Husbands enjoy seeing their wives smile and laugh, and they find smiles and laughter appealing. They do enjoy having their wives appreciate their jokes or stories, but they also like to see their wives just looking happy in general. This doesn’t mean going around with a fake grin and pretending everything is fine when it isn’t. But it does mean keeping a sense of humor in spite of problems and being able to shut the door on worries temporarily when you have some “down time” with your spouse.

Husbands want to feel their wives really care about their welfare and about them on a deep level.
They want their wife to spend time with them, to be concerned about their health, happiness, and well-being.Especially as men age, the feeling that a spouse doesn’t really care about them cuts deeply, even if the husband never shows he’s hurt by the lack of affection and caring. They don’t want to feel the kids always come first and that their preferences and needs are overlooked.In numerous homes, this dynamic is what gets off balance and leads to serious relationship problems. The wife thinks she’s doing what’s best by putting the kids’ needs first, not realizing the husband is as hurt as he is by this. The kids, on the other hand, are then being raised to think their needs should always predominate. As a result, they don’t learn to respect the needs of parents and others sometimes come first.

Husbands want private time with their wives—not just for sex, although that’s important—but also to do activities together on their own.
This is where making time for a “date night out” every week or so is important. Then the husband and wife can see a movie they want to see, uninterrupted by the kids, or have a peaceful meal at a restaurant. They can go bowling or dancing, or get together with friends and keep their identity as an adult couple, not just as parents.I have seen couples in counseling through the years who have decided not to ever leave their kids with a babysitter or go out on their own. Usually, the wife is the one who feels strongly about always putting the kids first. This is always a red flag to me of an unwise course of action in the marriage. I liken this course of action to building a house on the sand—looks good but falls apart easily. A heightened sense of passion between spouses is helped by time alone, “date time,” private time, time for the important part of the relationship that exists beyond the kids to be strengthened and nurtured.

Husbands want a satisfying sex life.
You knew we’d eventually get to sex, didn’t you? So here it is. A marriage without a passionate sex life is lacking a key ingredient that wives all too often underestimate.Yes, I know there are couples who over time stop having sex and yet both partners choose to stay in the marriage, but in many cases, there’s a resulting sense of resignation and dullness in the marriage. The fire or passionate spark that helps a couple to stay together is missing, so there’s often a lack of “life” or energy in the relationship.Wives can argue until they’re blue in the face that sex shouldn’t mean so much to husbands, but the reality is that it usually does have a high priority on the husband’s list. And, yes, it is difficult and challenging to find time and energy for sex when there are children in the house, when you’re exhausted, sleepy, and stressed. But while there may be temporary gaps and reduction in quality of sex because of specific circumstances, sex doesn’t lose its importance to most husbands in the long-run.
This is the one area where I have consistently seen wives underestimate the husband’s needs and the importance of sex to the husband. They may say, “But we’ve been married thirteen years.” Yes, but it’s most likely still important to the husband. Why? Because it feels good, because it makes him feel attractive and desired, because it enhances satisfaction with the marriage, because it can help the husband to feel closer and more connected to his wife, and because it relieves stress.The reality is that a husband who does not have a satisfying sexual relationship with his wife is much more vulnerable to becoming involved with someone else. And often, that “someone else” is not more attractive than the wife, she just conveys to the husband that she thinks he’s attractive, she desires him sexually, she thinks his jokes and stories are funny, and she enjoys spending time with him.

Use these five areas above to open discussion with your husband about how he feels in the marriage and whether his needs are being met. You could show him this article and ask him to indicate what he agrees with, what he disagrees with, and what he would have added.
And that’s one of the keys to marriage success—opening the communication door so that each spouse can share from his or her viewpoint and feel heard by the partner.
* * * * *
Copyright © Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D. All rights reserved. Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.

"How Am I Doing?" The One Question That Can Change All Of Your Relationships

Now this article is a must read, as it really has something of value to say to all of us. I know for me personally, it really helped:

"How Am I Doing?" The One Question That Can Change All Of Your Relationships

Feminism - BOO!!!!

I spent MANY years working a mans profession - reason one is, because I could do it (I suffer from tendinitis in my back for the rest of my life now, even after pain killers and physical therapy)...reason two is, it was always more pay (even though I was always paid at the lowest end of the spectrum for the job) and reason three was, I was a single parent (the plus side was, as my son grew, I was always his mentor, his idol...his topic for reports).

God clearly stated that as women, we are to have our Faith first, our husbands second, our children third and so on. He clearly stated that our first priority is to our home. We make profit for our home, HOME...family. NOT to climb corporate ladders, not to satisfy our addictions or self pamper ourselves to extreme selfishness, but to give out of love what we have been given.

Feminism is a sore spot in me really. As when I was younger, I could really kick butt physically and mentally in the work place as well as my personal life. But...as time has now moved on, I have truly come to value the meaning of being a woman. It has nothing at all to do with having a career, family and the ability to have it all.....women who cling to this really miss out on their true strengths, joys and peace.

Go ahead, search for that rainbow, convince yourself how good feminism is to you, do what ever makes YOU feel safe, successful, etc. One, when you DO decide to have a family, you will either get it, or deny your children what this society has been screaming for (and the headlines blaze it loud and clear), the richest, most successful, most fulfilling (I don't care who you are or the size of your paycheck), there is NOTHING more priceless, then to see the child you raised have morals, standards, a good heart, wisdom, knowledge and self esteem!

Phyllis Schlafly: Feminists Psychoanalyze Themselves Again
The feminists are going through one of their periodic soul-searching psychological examinations of what the women's liberation movement did or did not do for them, and why they are not happy with the result.

Why it's so important for us to forgive, and 4 steps to get there.

I just read John Teshs blog post Why it's so important for us to forgive, and 4 steps to get there and agree 100% with what he has to say, as I too, have put these into practice even before reading the article! Its worth the read, and maybe, its that little nudge you needed today

A Note We Should All Remember....

Through my own spiritual trying, testing and changing, this is one note worthy of posting any where you can see it and be reminded of on a daily basis. Trust me, it WILL change your life!

But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. Colossians 3:14-17

DON'T LET THE SUN GO DOWN -- Ephesians 4:26-27 NIV

DON'T LET THE SUN GO DOWN -- Ephesians 4:26-27 NIV
What amazing truth this post holds for each of us, especially me, as I have recently gone to bed angry and did not sleep at all well! To read the entire post go here:
For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/takeaminute
I highly recommend signing up for their mailing, they are awesome people!

"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

How many times have you gone to bed angry with someone? What was the result? If you're a normal person, the first thing that happened was that you did not get a good night's sleep. Your anger was so great, you probably laid in bed thinking of all the things you wanted to say to that person, perhaps even dreaming of doing something to get back at that person for what he or she did that made you so angry. Then, because your mind and emotions were disturbed, you did not sleep restfully, perhaps dreaming or perhaps waking several times, unable to completely relax.

The next thing that happened is contained in that final phrase of this scripture - you gave the devil a foothold in your relationship with this person. When a Christian is involved in any type of relationship - marriage, dating, siblings, parent-child, business partners or co-workers - there is nothing the devil likes better than to have that Christian help him to drive a wedge into that relationship. The wedge created by anger can not only destroy the relationship, but it can destroy the Christian's walk with the Lord.

If you go to bed angry, that emotion doesn't go away by the next morning. It's like an ember left in the fireplace over night; a little fanning, a little more fuel, and it's a full-blown fire again. If a person is angry, he is unforgiving. And if he's unforgiving, he's not walking with Jesus. Until that anger is gone and forgiveness is given, that person is also not forgiven for his own sins… Jesus said, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15 NIV)

Appreciate him

Appreciate him. Yes, I know, all men have, well....they just have an assortment of things that can cause friction. There are, however, all sorts of things that are good about him and he needs to hear that. Let him know how much you appreciate him!

Since my life has become an emotional and spiritual roller coaster, I have come to know the depths of this word beyond anything I can post here for you to truly understand. Oh sure, I may run out of words to say in appreciation if put on the spot because of course, that's when you're mind just freezes up, but in the silence of my walks and talks with God, the depth of my appreciation for the man he was created to be and to be in my life, well... no word will ever begin to describe it...it's when you can wipe someone's slate clean and see them, the person...free of all knicks, nooks, crannies...every single 'irk' is removed...that person left standing in your heart...trust me when I say the words of appreciation will come like a flood!

Maybe you're like me...you can't seem to say the words on command (your want to say what's in your heart towards him), so, what I find is, I can write love letters or notes in my head when I'm walking and it lifts my spirits, it makes me feel that 'beginning' love, even after all these years...so, the next time I see him, I am just overflowing with love for him and the words and actions just pour out!

You know, just as a side note, it really DOES feel good when you wipe someone's slate clean - as I always told my son, I may get mad or hate your action, but never ever you. It's the same thing...the 'action' the irks and quirks...they don't make the man you choose, nope...they just make him...how do I say this? hmmm...they make him full of CHARACTER! LOL!

One Thing I Love To Do...

...is read OLD headstones....it started with a book I read way back in my distant past as a kid...anyway when mybutterflymoms posted this to her twitter page, I HAD to copy it here as it is SO true!

'Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal'
from a headstone in Ireland

Man-to-Man--An Advice Column for Men

I have to congratulate this guy...HE gets it right! I think all men need other men to be there where their fathers were not...no problems with it, UNTIL they start telling him what to do, how to do it, or feed his needs in ways that shouldnt be fed, then the nails will come out and I will fight for my man!

Anyway, on a tangent there, when I actually am giving this guy the thumbs up...so, bettermen.org, KUDOS to you, big time!

Here is a question/answer post from their site where Wayne really gets it right and I wish ALL men got this kind of info, because thats all I personally have been saying too....stop looking at what you lose, or have to give up....love, man....its all about what you give, not get....

and other then your faith, there is no other first love then family...

Man-to-Man--An Advice Column for Men
Wayne's relationship advice column for men, Man-to-Man, is being picked up by more and more newspapers across the country

To have Man-to-Man appear in your local paper, please send them a note and direct them to BetterMen.org.

Man-to-Man is another way to reach out to men and give them the support they need to be better men, husbands and fathers. The column also appears in this newsletter. Enjoy!

He's got no patience for his family after the long, hard day.

Dear Wayne,What can I do about my wife? I work 10-hour days, busting my hump for her. When I get home I have to deal with my kids and put out more fires. The last thing I want to do is to have to listen to her complaining. How can I get her to give me a break?
Signed,Tired

Dear Tired,
I can sure understand why your wife would be tired of you! You "have to deal" with your kids?" The last thing you want to do is to listen to your wife? Take a deep breath, my friend. You got some learnin' to do.
First, it's time to figure out how to turn this "have to" into a "get to" when it comes to your kids. There's something going on in your head that's keeping you from being the father--I'm sure you'd like to be--for your kids. They're a blessing. Sounds like you haven't taken time--for a long time--to be grateful for what you have. Maybe you can drive around the block a few times before coming home, and give yourself the chance to transition from work to home. Maybe you can take a moment and do a gratitude prayer, or a short meditation. Remind yourself why you work so hard. Your kids need their dad to be the best dad he can be.
As for your wife, one of the key BetterMen Tools is to listen. If you want an intimate relationship, if you want to have a loving home with a wife who adores you, you've got to protect and cherish her. That begins with being a good listener. She doesn't need you to fix anything, just be there for her. Start paying attention to what goes on in your head when she starts to talk. Do you hear your mommy's voice? Do you feel reprimanded? Maybe you have so much resentment built up, there's no more patience.
It's time to make a commitment to be a better husband. If you take responsibility--stop blaming her-- and discover why listening has been so hard, you just may find yourself in a more loving relationship. And you may just get some "action" again. I suspect it's been a while! Good luck.

Robert Nicoll—True Nobility

I ask not for his lineage,
I ask not for his name;
If manliness be in his heart,
He noble birth may claim.

I care not though of world’s wealth
But slender be his part,
If yes you answer when I ask,
‘Hath he a true-man’s heart?’

I ask not from what land he came,
Nor where his youth was nursed;
If pure the spring, it matters not
The spot from whence it burst.
The palace or the hovel

Where first his life began,
I seek not of;
but answer this—‘Is he an honest man ?’